Ramblings, again

There isn’t a whole lot going on for the time being, I just felt like writing down some thoughts of mine.


So far, I have lost about 30 pounds!!!  Can you believe it?!?!?!  I sure can’t!  I am down a pant size!  All of this weight loss has of course got me thinking – what would I have been like if I wasn’t always overweight?  Would I still have been the shy girl?  Would I have still been homeschooled?  Would I have lost my virginity earlier?  In some ways, I think yes.  But then again, who knows?

I keep finding myself wishing I was a better dancer.  Heck, I keep wishing I knew of somewhere I could go dance.  I know Samantha will go with me.

I know this may sound weird, but I am really happy with the people in my life… it feels… I dunno, complete?  I of course have my Joe.  Loving Joe, and him loving me – that it what started to finally make me start to see just how much God loves me.  It is beyond words.  He is my best friend, lover, everything.  Samantha, of course – she is much, much more than my best friend.  She is much more than my sister.  I don’t even have a word to accurately describe what she is to me.  I love it, she is one person who I thought would not be in my life for very long, and now, more than 10 years later, I don’t see how I could have a life without her.  She is my person.  And now, there is also Joe’s best friend – Jared.  I always wanted an older brother.  He is younger than me, but he is really tall, so its kinda like he is older!  Haha  Jared and I get along really easily – we talk about everything under the sun, good and bad.  I am so happy Joe has such a great friend!

Also, Joe and I have been married for 2 years, now!  Can you believe it!  Wow!  I can not wait to give him his presents!!!

Oh, and just because I am scatter brained at the moment – I can’t believe Samantha is in Africa!!!  10 day medical mission trip!  She just got to Africa, and actually starts working in the morning.  It is so amazing!


All right, I think I must go to bed now.


Old Songs, Old Memories

It is amazing, how you can hear a song you used to listen to when you were not in a good place in life, and it brings back so many old memories and triggers.  It is almost bittersweet.  I am now able to look back and see how far I have come, but then I wonder, how far is that, really?  Am I always going to be triggered?  Is that wrong? 

It not only reminds me of myself, but the people in my life at that time.  There are so many things I miss, and some I am glad to be past.  I love my life now, and I especially those the people I have surrounded myself with, so why do I still become nostalgic of times past?  I feel guilty sometimes.  More missed opportunities, I suppose. 


Well, I am home!  I got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon.  I have pretty much done nothing except sleep and read.  The pain isn’t too bad, but not great either.  I wish I was a little more prepared about the actual surgery, though.  That was the scariest thing I have ever done.  When they took me from Joe and into the operating room, everyone knew exactly what they were doing and what to do – except me.  There was one man, who I wish I could thank in person, who kept me sane.  He took both of my hands and held them tight, he told me everything would be ok, and he would stay right there with me. 

After surgery, I don’t remember much.  I was horribly sick, constantly dry heaving.  And that hurt like hell.  I vaguely remember being brought into my room, and I kept saying I was sorry for being so sick.  

My incision don’t really hurt, but where the drain was is killing me.  The worst was when they took it out.  There was almost 8 inches of the drain inside of me, and it was stapled to the outside of my belly.  The nurse had to use scissors to cut the staples, and then pulled the drain out.  Oh my gosh, that sucked. 

I am doing better now.  I am really sore, but I can move around without any problems.  It is still so weird though, how just a few sips of protein drink makes me feel like I have eaten Thanksgiving dinner!  Water I can take more of.  I know this will all be worth it. 

Joe was so good to me at the hospital.  I actually feel really bad for putting him through this, I feel kinda selfish.  At least the hard part is over. 

I must go lie down, now.


Lets do this!

“Today is a big, big, big day!” – Effie, The Hunger Games

Today I am having my surgery!!!!  The waiting around part, as always, is the hardest.  I am dressed and ready to go, Joe is taking a quick shower, and then I will pack the last few things (toothbrush, deodorant, ETC…)  We are leaving for the hospital in an hour!

And, it strikes me as funny, I am not all that nervous, at least for now.  Joe is feeling more nervous than I, and Samantha is… just… oh my.  🙂  In a way, this will be like a mini-vacation.  I am looking at it like an adventure!  haha

Time to do my final preparations!  Love! 

Just an update, I suppose!

Today is Monday; that means only 3 days until my surgery.  I think it is finally sinking in, the whole thing.  That I am having surgery, and that I am going to lose weight.  I have started to think about what I will look like as I lose weight.  I still can’t get a clear picture in my head. 

I am not specifically telling anyone about my surgery.  If they ask me, I will tell them, but I am not going to just shout it out.  Yes it was personal and all that, but really, I don’t feel the need to yell it out. 

On another topic, the school semester is almost over.  I am wanting to go to Carson Newman in the fall for my English Major.  I really just want to get the degree and be done with school (shocker, right?).  I want to move forward with my life.  (Back to the surgery for a minute) – You know, I have not been trying to get pregnant, but I also have not been preventing it.  However, after my surgery and I lose weight, they said it will be pretty easy for me to get pregnant!  Honestly, although that door wasn’t sealed, I felt like it was closed to me, because of my weight.  And now I will have the opportunity – I just want to get school over with. 

I have so many more thing I want to write, I just haven’t found the words yet.  I will keep you posted.

Just the beginning, my friend!

This is not a specific blog.  It is a blog for me to write what I want to write. 

I think I am going to begin with the beginning, and what is on my mind at the moment.

Weight Loss Surgery.

Yep, me, having surgery, soon.  April 18, actually.  I am have the Sleeve. 


I have been thinking about weight loss surgery for a very long time.  I have always struggled with my weight, but now I am over it.  I have done everything I can do to the best of my ability.  I am doing the right thing for myself, and I am very excited about it. 

I have my pre-op appointment tomorrow.  … !!!!   I can’t believe it is almost here – my surgery.  Joe (my husband) is so nervous for me.  He is afraid that the doctors are going to find something wrong with me, so, if you are a person of prayer, I would really appreciate prayers for him.  I have to say, I am nervous, too.  I have never had surgery before, never even had a tooth pulled!  The Lord is with me, though!

Ok, ok.  I have rambled enough for the moment (and without even saying anything of consequence!), and I really have to do some school work, now.